Women as explained by Engineers
Donnerstag, 15. Januar 2009
Women as explained by Engineers!
Baptism
Montag, 5. Januar 2009
Picture: Early gay signs
This is a great short story 
After a hardy rainstorm filled all the potholes in the streets and alleys, a young mother watched her two little boys playing in the puddle through her kitchen window.
The older of the two, a five year old lad, grabbed his sibling by the back of his head and shoved his face into the water hole.
As the boy recovered and stood laughing and dripping, the mother runs to the yard in a panic.
"Why on earth did you do that to your little brother?!" she asks as she shook the older boy in anger.
"We were just playing 'church' mommy," he said.
"And I was just baptizing him.....in the name of the Father, the Son and in...the hole-he-goes."
Constipation / Verstopfung
Dienstag, 9. Dezember 2008
Do you suffer from constipation?
Relief is in sight!
This is an old African cure for constipation.
Leiden Sie an Verstopfung?
Erlösung ist in sicht!
Hier, ein alt afrikanisches Heilmittel gegen Verstopfung!
Pack of Dogs Attacking a Crocodile at Kruger Park
Samstag, 23. August 2008
At times nature can be cruel but there is also a raw beauty, and even a certain justice manifested within that cruelty.
The crocodile, one of the oldest and ultimate predators, normally considered the 'apex predator', can still fall victim to implemented 'team work' strategy, made possible due to the tight knit social structure and survival of the pack mentality bred into the canines.
See the remarkable photograph attached, courtesy of Nature Magazine. Note that the Alpha dog has a muzzle hold on the croc' preventing it from breathing, while another dog has a hold on the tail to keep it from thrashing. The third dog attacks the soft underbelly of the croc'.
NOT FOR THE SQUEAMISH
The crocodile, one of the oldest and ultimate predators, normally considered the 'apex predator', can still fall victim to implemented 'team work' strategy, made possible due to the tight knit social structure and survival of the pack mentality bred into the canines.
See the remarkable photograph attached, courtesy of Nature Magazine. Note that the Alpha dog has a muzzle hold on the croc' preventing it from breathing, while another dog has a hold on the tail to keep it from thrashing. The third dog attacks the soft underbelly of the croc'.
NOT FOR THE SQUEAMISH
Camera for Sale
Dienstag, 5. August 2008
Good Day All
I am in the process of winding down the estate of my late gardener Petrus who passed away on a neighboring property last week. Amongst his personal possessions was a 8 mega pixel digital camera, the photo quality is outstanding. Enclosed is the last picture which the late Petrus took with his camera.
Kind Regards
Social Service in South Africa
Mittwoch, 30. Juli 2008
Safest pub in South Africa (4 Police officers)
Admin lady at pension and welfare office.
Note poster in the background - "Basic Conditions of Employment Act"
You just gotta love this country!!
These pictures are proof of the fact, that Social Service in South Africa is the best in the world!!
Hierdie is 'n ware weergawe van HOEKOM dienslewering in SA die beste ter wereld is!!
Diese Bilder zeugen dafür, dass die Dienstleistung in Südafrika spitzenklasse auf der Welt ist!!
Hierdie is 'n ware weergawe van HOEKOM dienslewering in SA die beste ter wereld is!!
Diese Bilder zeugen dafür, dass die Dienstleistung in Südafrika spitzenklasse auf der Welt ist!!
Discrimination - Diskriminierung
Dienstag, 29. Juli 2008
Discrimination is the prejudicial treatment of a person or a group of people based on certain characteristics.
The teacher says to the first child ''Hello Becky, what have you been doing this Playtime?''
Becky replies ''I have been playing in the sand box.''
''Very good,'' says the teacher ''if you can spell 'sand' on the blackboard, I will give you a biscuit.''
Becky duly goes and writes 's-a-n-d' on the blackboard.
''Very good,'' says the teacher and gives Becky a biscuit.
The teacher then says,''Freddie, what have you been doing in your playtime?''
Freddie replies, ''Playing with Becky in the sand box.''
''Very good,'' says the teacher, ''if you can spell 'box' on the blackboard, I will also give you a biscuit.''
Freddie duly goes and writes 'b-o-x' on the blackboard.
''Very good,'' says the teacher and gives Freddie a biscuit.
Teacher then says, ''Hello Mohammed, have you been playing in the sand box with Becky and Freddie?''
''No,'' replies Mohammed, ''I wanted to, but they would not let me. Every time I went near them they started throwing sand at me, calling me nasty names and asking to see under my jacket in case I had explosives."
I'll tell you what, if you can spell 'blatant racial discrimination" I will give you a biscuit.''
Sailing
Montag, 14. Juli 2008
I just read a quote and it reminded me of the most beautiful Photos I could capture on the Chiemsee a year ago, to underline this quote
I'm not afraid of storms, for I'm learning to sail my ship.
- Louisa May Alcott -
Just a Mum
Sonntag, 13. Juli 2008
- Picture: Brakpan Seafood platter -
A woman, renewing her driver's license at the Motor Registration office, was asked by the counter clerk to state her occupation.
She hesitated, uncertain how to classify herself.
'What I mean is,' explained the counter clerk, 'do you have a job or are you just a ...?'
'Of course I have a job,' snapped the woman. 'I'm a Mum.'
'We don't list 'Mum' as an occupation, 'housewife' covers it,' said the clerk emphatically.
I forgot all about her story until one day I found myself in the same situation, this time at our own Medicare office. The Clerk was obviously a career woman, poised, efficient, and possessed of a high sounding title like, 'Official Interrogator' or 'Town Registrar.'
'What is your occupation?' she probed.
What made me say it? I do not know. The words simply popped out.
'I'm a Research Associate in the field of Child Development and Human Relations.'
The clerk paused, ball-point pen frozen in midair and looked up as though she had not heard right.
I repeated the title slowly emphasizing the most significant words. Then I stared with wonder as my pronouncement was written, in bold, black ink on the official questionnaire.
'Might I ask,' said the clerk with new interest, 'just what you do in your field?'
Coolly, without any trace of fluster in my voice, I heard myself reply,
'I have a continuing program of research, (what mother doesn't)
In the laboratory and in the field, (normally I would have said indoors and out).
I'm working for my Masters, (first the Lord and then the whole family)
and already have four credits (all daughters).
Of course, the job is one of the most demanding in the humanities, (any mother care to disagree?)
and I often work 14 hours a day, (24 is more like it).
But the job is more challenging than most run-of-the-mill careers and the rewards are more of a satisfaction rather than just money.'
There was an increasing note of respect in the clerk's voice as she completed the form, stood up, and personally ushered me to the door.
As I drove into our driveway, buoyed up by my glamorous new career, I was greeted by my lab assistants -- ages 13, 7, and 3.
Upstairs I could hear our new experimental model, (a 6 month old baby) in the child development program, testing out a new vocal pattern. I felt I had scored a beat on bureaucracy! And I had gone on the official records as someone more distinguished and
indispensable to mankind than 'just another Mum.'
Motherhood!
What a glorious career! Especially when there's a title on the door.
Does this make grandmothers 'Senior Research associates in the field of Child Development and Human Relations' and great grandmothers 'Executive Senior Research Associates?'
I think so!!! I also think it makes Aunts 'Associate Research Assistants.'
She hesitated, uncertain how to classify herself.
'What I mean is,' explained the counter clerk, 'do you have a job or are you just a ...?'
'Of course I have a job,' snapped the woman. 'I'm a Mum.'
'We don't list 'Mum' as an occupation, 'housewife' covers it,' said the clerk emphatically.
I forgot all about her story until one day I found myself in the same situation, this time at our own Medicare office. The Clerk was obviously a career woman, poised, efficient, and possessed of a high sounding title like, 'Official Interrogator' or 'Town Registrar.'
'What is your occupation?' she probed.
What made me say it? I do not know. The words simply popped out.
'I'm a Research Associate in the field of Child Development and Human Relations.'
The clerk paused, ball-point pen frozen in midair and looked up as though she had not heard right.
I repeated the title slowly emphasizing the most significant words. Then I stared with wonder as my pronouncement was written, in bold, black ink on the official questionnaire.
'Might I ask,' said the clerk with new interest, 'just what you do in your field?'
Coolly, without any trace of fluster in my voice, I heard myself reply,
'I have a continuing program of research, (what mother doesn't)
In the laboratory and in the field, (normally I would have said indoors and out).
I'm working for my Masters, (first the Lord and then the whole family)
and already have four credits (all daughters).
Of course, the job is one of the most demanding in the humanities, (any mother care to disagree?)
and I often work 14 hours a day, (24 is more like it).
But the job is more challenging than most run-of-the-mill careers and the rewards are more of a satisfaction rather than just money.'
There was an increasing note of respect in the clerk's voice as she completed the form, stood up, and personally ushered me to the door.
As I drove into our driveway, buoyed up by my glamorous new career, I was greeted by my lab assistants -- ages 13, 7, and 3.
Upstairs I could hear our new experimental model, (a 6 month old baby) in the child development program, testing out a new vocal pattern. I felt I had scored a beat on bureaucracy! And I had gone on the official records as someone more distinguished and
indispensable to mankind than 'just another Mum.'
Motherhood!
What a glorious career! Especially when there's a title on the door.
Does this make grandmothers 'Senior Research associates in the field of Child Development and Human Relations' and great grandmothers 'Executive Senior Research Associates?'
I think so!!! I also think it makes Aunts 'Associate Research Assistants.'
Der Höhepunkt
Mittwoch, 9. Juli 2008
A man feared his wife wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem.
The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.
Here's what you do," said the Doctor, "stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response."
That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den. He says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens." Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for
dinner?"
No response.
So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, "Honey, what's for dinner?"
Still no response.
Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, "Honey, what's for dinner?"
Again he gets no response.
So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. "Honey, what's for dinner?" Again there is no response.
So he walks right up behind her. "Honey, what's for dinner?"
(I just love this)
"Ralph , for the FIFTH time, CHICKEN!"
The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.
Here's what you do," said the Doctor, "stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response."
That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den. He says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens." Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for
dinner?"
No response.
So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, "Honey, what's for dinner?"
Still no response.
Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, "Honey, what's for dinner?"
Again he gets no response.
So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. "Honey, what's for dinner?" Again there is no response.
So he walks right up behind her. "Honey, what's for dinner?"
(I just love this)
"Ralph , for the FIFTH time, CHICKEN!"
Welcome to South Africa
Dienstag, 8. Juli 2008
Aint it the truth?
Five surgeons from big cities are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on.
The first surgeon, from Durban, says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."
The second, from Johannesburg, responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is colour coded."
The third surgeon, from Bloemfontein, says, "No, I really think librarians are the best, everything inside them is in alphabetical order."
The fourth surgeon, from Pretoria chimes in: "You know, I like construction workers... Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over."
But the fifth surgeon, from Cape Town shut them all up when he observed:
"You're all wrong ANC Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There are no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains and no spine, and the head and the ass are interchangeable."
Five surgeons from big cities are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on.
The first surgeon, from Durban, says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."
The second, from Johannesburg, responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is colour coded."
The third surgeon, from Bloemfontein, says, "No, I really think librarians are the best, everything inside them is in alphabetical order."
The fourth surgeon, from Pretoria chimes in: "You know, I like construction workers... Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over."
But the fifth surgeon, from Cape Town shut them all up when he observed:
"You're all wrong ANC Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There are no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains and no spine, and the head and the ass are interchangeable."
Chinese officially declared "black" - South Africa
Mittwoch, 2. Juli 2008
Strange but true (bis 1994 hatten sie darum gekämpft, als "weiße" eingestuft zu werden):
Sie wollen nicht mehr farbig sein und reichen deshalb Klage ein: Jetzt hat ein Gericht die rund 10 000 Chinesen in Südafrika tatsächlich als Schwarze eingestuft. Die Einwanderer litten, wie alle Nichtweißen, während der Apartheid unter Diskriminierungen, bis die Demokraten den Rassismus 1994 zumindest offiziell abschafften - die Chinesen allerdings galten weiterhin als "farbig" und bekamen im Gegensatz zu Schwarzen, Indern und gemischtrassigen Menschen keine Entschädigung. Nach dem Grundsatzurteil bekommen auch die Chinesen ihr Geld. - uk
Strange but true (before 1994, the Chinese struggled to be classified as "white")
The ruling yesterday is the culmination of an eight-year struggle by the Chinese Association of South Africa (Casa) to obtain clarity from the Government as to the status of Chinese people since the end of white rule in 1994. Patric Chong, the chairman of Casa, said: “As Chinese South Africans we were officially classified as ‘Coloured’ and suffered under the same discriminatory laws prior to 1994. The logical inference was thus that Chinese South Africans would automatically qualify for the same benefits as the ‘Coloured’ group, post1994. This was not the case and Chinese South Africans suffered a second round of unfair discrimination.”
In a landmark ruling the Pretoria High Court accepted the Chinese as a “previously disadvantaged” group. This means that – at least in legal terms – Chinese South Africans will now be included in the definition of black people in legislation covering lucrative black economic empowerment (BEE) deals.
From The Times, June 19, 2008
Dazu kann ich nur sagen - Verrückte Welt!
Sie wollen nicht mehr farbig sein und reichen deshalb Klage ein: Jetzt hat ein Gericht die rund 10 000 Chinesen in Südafrika tatsächlich als Schwarze eingestuft. Die Einwanderer litten, wie alle Nichtweißen, während der Apartheid unter Diskriminierungen, bis die Demokraten den Rassismus 1994 zumindest offiziell abschafften - die Chinesen allerdings galten weiterhin als "farbig" und bekamen im Gegensatz zu Schwarzen, Indern und gemischtrassigen Menschen keine Entschädigung. Nach dem Grundsatzurteil bekommen auch die Chinesen ihr Geld. - uk
Strange but true (before 1994, the Chinese struggled to be classified as "white")
The ruling yesterday is the culmination of an eight-year struggle by the Chinese Association of South Africa (Casa) to obtain clarity from the Government as to the status of Chinese people since the end of white rule in 1994. Patric Chong, the chairman of Casa, said: “As Chinese South Africans we were officially classified as ‘Coloured’ and suffered under the same discriminatory laws prior to 1994. The logical inference was thus that Chinese South Africans would automatically qualify for the same benefits as the ‘Coloured’ group, post1994. This was not the case and Chinese South Africans suffered a second round of unfair discrimination.”
In a landmark ruling the Pretoria High Court accepted the Chinese as a “previously disadvantaged” group. This means that – at least in legal terms – Chinese South Africans will now be included in the definition of black people in legislation covering lucrative black economic empowerment (BEE) deals.
From The Times, June 19, 2008
Dazu kann ich nur sagen - Verrückte Welt!
South Africa at War
Donnerstag, 12. Juni 2008
They are going back home - they are GATVOL!!
WHY YOU CAN'T KEEP AN AFRIKANER DOWN...!!!
GEORGE BUSH was sitting in his office wondering which country to invade next when his telephone rang .
"Howzit George!", a broken English voice said. "This is Koos here from the Doringboom Bar in
"Well, Koos," George replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?"
"Right now," said Koos, after a moment's calculation, "there is myself, my cousin Jan, my next door neighbour Lang Hannes, and the entire darts team from the pub. That makes eight!"
George paused. "I must tell you, Koos, that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command."
"Bliksem!", said Koos. "I'll have to ring you back!"
Sure enough, the next day, Koos called again.
"George, my china, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"
"And what equipment would that be, Koos?" George asked.
"Well, we have 4 Hilux double cabs, two kombis, a bulldozer, and Vet Gert's John Deere Tractor".
George sighed. "I must tell you, Koos, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armoured personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to 1,5 million since we last spoke."
"Liewe Hel!" said Koos. "I'll have to get back to you."
Sure enough, Koos rang again the next day.
"George, ou swaer, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We've modified Doepie's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four okes from the
George was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell you, Koos, that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laserguided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"
"Goeie vrek!", said Koos, "I'll have to ring you back."
Sure enough, Koos called again the next day. "Jis, jis, jis George! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war."
"I'm sorry to hear that," said George. "Why the sudden change of heart?"
"Well," said Koos, "we've all had a long chat over some "Klippies & Coke", and decided there's no way we can feed two million prisoners of war." 
Mugabe Childhood Photo
Dienstag, 10. Juni 2008
I just got a childhood photo of Mugabe...........
Yep already biting the hand that feeds him.
Bush Pilot
Montag, 9. Juni 2008
You are a South African bush pilot working for Blue Sky Aviation.
You start estimating the distance to the aircraft door and wonder . . .
'Do I feel lucky today?'
You fly in some critical medical supplies, enjoy a quick lunch at the hospital.
It's a stifling 100 degrees in the shade and you're eager to get back aloft to the cooler upper atmosphere.
On the way back to your aircraft, you discover that the only bit of shade within 1 mile has become very popular.
You start estimating the distance to the aircraft door and wonder . . .
'Do I feel lucky today?'
Isn't THIS awesome ...?
Nakia 7.65 Customized for South Africa
Freitag, 6. Juni 2008
NOW YOU CAN TAKE THAT CALL WHEN YOU'RE IN THE TRAIN / TAXI/ HILLBROW/ SOWETO/ TEMBISA/ KHAYELITSHA/ MADADENI/ UMLAZI/ WEST ST/ SMALL ST etc. !!!
Your days of being afraid to answer your phone in public are over.
NAKIA 7.65- CUSTOMIZED FOR SOUTH AFRICAN CONDITIONS.
Die Bobbejaan en oom Leeu
Mittwoch, 4. Juni 2008
Oom leeu lê lekker onder die maroela-boom. Bo in die boom sit 'n verveelde bobbejaan. Hy pluk 'n maroela en GOOI leeu teen die kop.
Leeu kyk rond en toe op, en toe sien hy die bobbejaan.
'As jy my weer wakker maak......', waarsku leeu, en probeer weer bietjie slaap.
Nou raak die speletjie lekker vir die bobbejaan, en elke keer as leeu net so wil-wil wegraak, dan tref 'n maroela hom weer teen die kop.
Goed beduiweld, waarsku hy die bobbejaan om op te hou, maar die bobbejaan vee sy alie aan hom af.
Die maroelas raak al min in die boom en toe bobbejaan weereens dit waag om ver uit te reik na 'n maroela aan 'n dun takkie, verloor hy sy balans en neuk met 'n bedonnerde spoed uit die boom.
Hy beland amper op die leeu.
Leeu is onmiddellik by en gryp hom vas.
'Nou het ek jou, x#©%&©!!!
Jy kan kies, of ek byt jou kop af, of ek byt jou stert af.'
Bewend van vrees dink die bobbejaan lank en sê toe:
'Byt maar my kop af.'
Leeu sê: 'Is jy nou simpel, as ek jou kop afbyt is jy dood......'
'Ja', sê bobbejaan, 'maar as jy my stert afbyt lyk ek soos Robert Mogabe'
